I was picking my cuticles while I sat in my GP’s office a few months after David died. I was telling him that my milk was drying up and how I was dreading the approach of Christmas. He listened and agreed - Christmas would be shit. Then he gently suggested that worrying about it would make every day leading up to Christmas turn to shit too.
I had to remind myself of his advice when Mother’s Day came around last year. In the lead up, I worried about how we would cope without David. I worried about Mum - how could we celebrate motherhood when one of her precious babies was no longer with us?
You know what?
We survived both days and they weren't nearly as shit as I’d feared they would be.
You know what else?
Knowing we made it through those 'firsts' is comforting. It takes the apprehension out of other 'first' days now. We’re still bereft. We still miss him with every fibre of our bodies, but we can do it. We can mark these occasions, remember his cheeky laugh and his beaming smile. We can even manage a few laughs of our own.
Mum and Dad visited on the weekend. I practised a dish for next week’s Gourmet Garden Cook Off and Mum made a fabulous cake for dessert. It’s her buggerised version of a recipe that she found in an old Bon Appétit magazine.
Raspberry Yoghurt Cake
3 cups plain flour
1 ½ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1 ¾ cups sugar
2 tbs fresh orange juice
1 teaspoon almond extract
1 teaspoon finely grated orange peel
1 cup plain yoghurt
2 ½ cups frozen raspberries
Preheat oven to 180°C. Line a 10 inch round cake pan. Combine 2 ½ cups flour, baking powder, and salt in medium bowl.
Using electric mixer, beat butter and sugar in large bowl until creamy. Add the orange juice, 1 teaspoon almond extract, and orange peel and beat to combine. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating after each egg. Mix in the yoghurt.
Add dry ingredients to the batter and beat just until blended.
Toss the remaining ½ cup of flour and raspberries in large bowl. Gently fold the berry mixture into batter. Spoon the batter into the prepared pan.
Bake the cake at 180°C for about 70 minutes or until a skewer inserted in the centre comes out clean. Cool for thirty minutes in the tin, before turning out to finish cooling.
Serve with double cream and fresh raspberries.
On Sunday, we’ll light David’s candle. We’ll share lunch and cake. We’ll enjoy each other’s company and be grateful for Mothers.
We’ll also remember those who are facing their first Mother’s Day with someone missing, as we were last year. We’ll remember the Mothers who are without their beloved babies. We’ll remember children (of all ages) who are marking their first Mother’s Day without their cherished mums.
If you fall into this group and you’re feeling anxious in the lead up to Mother’s Day, I hope Sunday isn’t as shitty as you fear. xx
how will you mark Mother’s Day?
does your GP swear?
Lisa @ bakebikeblog says
Thinking of you and your family this Sunday xx
Amy @ Mrs Smyth says
Big love. Holidays without those we love around are shit. And yes, my GP swears. I love her. Xx
Thanks Mrs Smyth - Happy Mother's Day to you too! x
Anne @ Domesblissity says
It'll be my second Mother's Day without Mum Amanda and its a hell of a lot different to last year. I actually forgot I was a Mum. This year, I'm looking forward to it. I don't want to wait until I'm dead before my kids know how much fun life really is. I'll pay her a visit at the cemetary with a living pot of chrysanthemums, all the while hearing her voice in the background saying "don't waste your money on that - I'd rather a cup of tea and a piece of homemade cake, but thank you anyway". I do love a 'buggerised' version of anything too. Happy Mother's Day to you and your Mum. xx
I'm glad this year is looking a bit better for you too Anne. Our Mum's sound pretty similar - I'm always chastised when I buy her flowers! 🙂
Lydia c lee says
That's a lovely post and I imagine very helpful. I hope Sunday isn't too painful x
Thanks Lydia. x
Sarah@ SlapdashMama says
Thinking of you, and I think this buggerised cake looks absolutely delicious! Buggerised my arse! (Did I just SAY THAT!)
Commited to the interweb forever Sarah!
Lila Wolff says
So sorry that your good days have to have the weight of loss tied to them, I'd say it gets better but that's trite and in my experience wrong. It gets more normal. Lots of love to you and your family this Sunday, hope it's the best of days that it can be.
Sand Has No Home says
That cake looks amazing! It is always hard coping with days of celebration when someone that you love has gone forever. It does get a bit easier with time, but the little tack pressing into your heart never leaves entirely (and in a way, you don't want it to here.). Here via #IBOT and looking forward to reading some more.
always josefa (@always_josefa) says
Sending you much love and big hugs for Sunday - we can get caught on in the commercialism and kid-wrangling of such days - to forget how very different they can be for others. Your cake looks delicious - I would love a slice xx
Josefa from #teamIBOT
Kyla @ Three Quarters Full says
Sending you lots of love for Sunday xx
Thanks Kyla. To you too. x
I'm a sucker for anything with raspberries so looking forward to trying this one. I hope your Sunday has more joy than sadness.
Thanks Marti - hope you had a good day too.
Have a laugh on me says
I will be celebrating with my mum and one sister and my children, but thinking of my bestie in NZ who ADORED her mumma that died 10 days before her first child was born and so never met her granddaughter. I will now also be sending you a big hugs and kiss x
Thanks lovely. x
Every day I thank my lucky stars that I don't have anyone missing. I can only imagine how hard it must be. If you're one of those - I also hope that Sunday isn't as shit as you fear it to be xxx
And on a side note - that cake looks amazing!! x
Thanks Mrs D - looking forward to catching up on the weekend.
Dawn Pereira says
You have reduced me to tears again. it must be shit not having David there. it feels better just having said the word shit. We will be thinking of you all. That's so lovely that you light David's candle and remember all the good times. A big hug to Mozie from me. Lots if love
If you think that feels good Dawn, wait til I teach you a few other words that I know! 🙂
I'll give her a few hugs and I'll make sure one's from you! x