Today is David’s third anniversary. It seems incredible to me that we have survived three whole years without him.
Today I will be unguarded in my sorrow. I've come to learn that if I don't take the time to grieve, it catches up with me at the least convenient times.
On Friday I fell through the rabbit hole and into my first blog which I started in 2008. (It's sole focus was distributing baby spam to our siblings who were then spread across the globe.) I discovered a video of David pretending to pack the Big Sister into a suitcase to take her with him to Indonesia. He kissed her three times in the space of that 25 second video. I sat at the computer weeping and wishing she remembered how fiercely he loved her. I imagine it’s all the distant past when you’re six. Next month he’ll have been gone from us than the 1142 days she had with him.
Then I came across this beauty. Uncle Davo attempting to chance the Big Sister's nappy sometime in 2009. I cried and laughed and cried. a lot. So tremendous is this loss that I sometimes cannot bear the fact I will never again here that silly, high-pitched laugh.
Tonight we'll share David's favourite meal, beef stroganoff, howl at the super moon and pray he persists somewhere safe and happy.