In the months after David died I was worried he would evaporate. I was terrified of forgetting what his hands looked like or the sound of his laugh. I must have seemed quite mad at the wake when I begged family friends to write down memories of him for fear there was something about David that I didn’t know and would now never learn. I hastily chose photos, had them printed to canvas and hung them around the house. I bought a book and wrote things about him in it - stories, memories, things he said - all for fear I would forget. I thought about getting a tattoo: I wanted something of David etched on me forever, but the words that I found comforting changed so often that I never got inked.
Earlier this month, Uberkate became sponsors of Cooker and a Looker. You might have noticed their ad over in the right hand column. They gave me an ubercircle and I asked you what I should write on it because I couldn't decide.
Bearhands suggested Flossie - David’s nickname for me. I thought about his initials and dates, but I wanted something more personal. Then one afternoon, I realised exactly what I should have printed on it:
alis volat propriis - he flies with his own wings
I cried when it arrived yesterday afternoon. It’s beautiful and weighty and shiny and hopeful. I love it.
It was two years in September since the accident. I'm still incredulous that I'll never be able to speak to him again, but I'm not manic in my mission to remember anymore.
Because, how could I forget?
is there a phrase that means something special to you?
Uberkate didn't pay me to write this post. I just wanted to tell you this story.