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Home » pondering » the mark of the man

By Amanda Smyth 26 Comments

the mark of the man

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In the months after David died I was worried he would evaporate.  I was terrified of forgetting what his hands looked like or the sound of his laugh.  I must have seemed quite mad at the wake when I begged family friends to write down memories of him for fear there was something about David that I didn’t know and would now never learn.  I hastily chose photos, had them printed to canvas and hung them around the house.  I bought a book and wrote things about him in it – stories, memories, things he said – all for fear I would forget.  I thought about getting a tattoo: I wanted something of David etched on me forever, but the words that I found comforting changed so often that I never got inked.

Earlier this month, Uberkate became sponsors of Cooker and a Looker.  You might have noticed their ad over in the right hand column.  They gave me an ubercircle and I asked you what I should write on it because I couldn’t decide.

Bearhands suggested Flossie – David’s nickname for me.  I thought about his initials and dates, but I wanted something more personal.  Then one afternoon, I realised exactly what I should have printed on it:

alis volat propriis – he flies with his own wings

alis volat propriis

I cried when it arrived yesterday afternoon.  It’s beautiful and weighty and shiny and hopeful.  I love it.

It was two years in September since the accident.  I’m still incredulous that I’ll never be able to speak to him again, but I’m not manic in my mission to remember anymore.

Because, how could I forget?

is there a phrase that means something special to you?

Uberkate didn’t pay me to write this post. I just wanted to tell you this story.

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Filed Under: pondering Tagged With: David, grief

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Robyn says

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    Just made me cry too

    Reply
    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Sorry Mrs D – bet that wasn’t the start to Saturday you were hoping for! x

      Reply
  2. Jay @ Moodie Foodie (@moodiefoodiejay) says

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    What a beautiful post Amanda – as always, so heart felt and well just right. The necklace is perfect. I do have a special phrase, actually it’s symbols but I can’t find how to do it on the computer. It’s on the inside of our wedding rings ‘x infinity’ meaning there is no end xo

    Reply
    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Bearhands and I sometimes say times infinity as code for I love you too Jay! Great minds, huh?

      Reply
  3. Aleney @ BoyEatsWorld says

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    It couldn’t be more perfect Amanda. Beautiful post. x

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    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Thanks Aleney x

      Reply
  4. Lisa says

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    A lovely way to remember your brother. X

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    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Thanks Lisa. x

      Reply
  5. Renee | About a Bugg says

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    Love this. I just ordered my own Uberkate last night, so *had* to click over to read. So glad I did. xx

    Reply
    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      How exciting Renee – what inscription did you choose?

      Reply
      • Renee | About a Bugg says

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        Slightly corny – but ‘to the moon and back’. It’s something that Poss and I tell each other every night, so it seemed right. Can’t wait to get it!

        Reply
        • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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          Awesome Renee – would you believe, we call the Big Sister Poss?

          Reply
  6. womblywoo says

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    That is just perfect.

    Reply
    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Thank you x

      Reply
  7. Sonia Life Love Hiccups says

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    Oh sweetheart – it is just so perfect. What a beautiful way to pay tribute to him xx

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    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Thanks Sonia – I love it.

      Reply
  8. Have a laugh on me says

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    Oh hun what a special phrase to have chosen, it’s just awesome. And I have to say I feel it’s wise to have a gorgeous piece of jewellery that you can take off, unlike a tattoo, and I can say that because I have one – not that I regret it but – it’s a long story, one I’ll save for another day! xx

    Reply
    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Look forward to hearing that one, Em! 🙂

      Reply
  9. Sharon Clews says

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    Just perfect Amanda, I love your way with words x

    Reply
    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Thanks Sharon. It’s so appropriate, isn’t it?

      Reply
  10. kirsten, kirsten and co. says

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    Such beautiful words, both in the post and on the ubercircle. Both brought tears to my eyes xx

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    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Thanks Kirsten x

      Reply
  11. Lydia C. Lee says

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    That’s a lovely post, and very generous to share. xx

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    • Amanda, Cooker and a Looker says

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      Thanks Lydia. x

      Reply
  12. Dawn Pereira says

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    Just love the way you write about David. He will never be forgotten.

    Reply
  13. LittleWhiteDove says

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    What beautiful, heartrending post & piece of jewellery. I love the quote you chose.

    Reply

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