Grief is a process. You can't hurry it up.
Initially, I tried reading my way through it. Devouring books about grief and waiting for a eureka moment, when I could make my peace with what had happened. I read dozens of books but the moment didn't come.
I just kept getting up in the morning and making breakfast.
I kept driving the Big Sister to day care and swimming lessons.
I kept tending to the Little Sister’s newborn needs.
I kept doing the washing and cooking the dinner.
We just kept on keeping on.
And somehow we’ve arrived here. We’ve survived three years and three months without David already.
I'm still waiting to make my peace with it and hoping one day I will accept that he died. It still seems impossible to believe. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism - the finality of David’s death is crushing.
My beautiful high-school friend Robyna and her family were bereaved in 2012 when their son and brother, Xavier was stolen by SIDS at just fourteen days old. She very eloquently expressed how I feel about getting on:
Robyna’s words resound with me because she’s eloquently expressed something that I’ve been feeling. Even though we seem to be going about our daily lives, it doesn’t mean that we’re feeling better or getting over it. We’re functioning, but it’s no measure of the depth of our love, or our loss, or our pain. Some days it’s all we can do to remember to breathe. Robyna now write a blog called Chasing His Sunshine. It's a service to bereaved families everywhere.
Tonight the Compassionate Friends will host their annual Worldwide Candle Lighting.
The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honour and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honour the memory of all children gone too soon.
As a candle burns down in one home, another candle will be lit in a home in a different time zone - creating twenty four hours of perpetual light.
If you've lost a child or know someone who has, I encourage you to join us on tonight and light a candle in their memory.
Gestures like this show bereaved families like mine how much their loved one is treasured and missed. It means the earth.
Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses, thank you for sharing your story, I am sorry for your loss. I had not heard of this day before but I think it is such a lovely idea. There needs to be more talk about such things so that those who have lost know they are not alone
Thanks Rhianna. This is one of the blessings of the internet, I guess - bereaved families for all over the world offering comfort to each other.
Hello there, what a lovely idea. I am so fortunate not to have lost a baby or young child, but friends have and their grief is just as you describe it. Will be thinking of them on this day and lighting a candle, such a good idea.
Thanks for joining us Seana.
I'll light two candles - for a friend, and for you.
It hadn't occurred to me that anyone would like a candle for David after reading this post. Enid, you've made me cry. Thank you x
What beautiful words from your friend - and so true. I really feel for your loss, and hope you heal in time.
Thanks Kim.
I was talking with a friend recently about the death of her child, and how no one talks about it. Another friend gets cross when people comment on her being a mum of two, when they know better, she's a mum of three. The lighting of candles is a wonderful idea.,And my respect for sharing your story.
Such a wonderful idea. I will join in in this. Beautiful post.
Thanks for joining in. x
Thank you.
Lovely idea and such beautiful, honest words from your friend.
Hugs from afar
Thanks Carly.
What a lovely thing to do I will light a candle too. David is always in our thoughts and hearts. I think that time does not heal but you learn how to deal with it better.
Thank you Dawn.
It's only been 12 weeks since I lost my beautiful daughter and unborn grandaughter, and everything you say Amanda is so true. I've also have been reading books on grieving, but nothing stops the pain.. I will be lighting candles for my two angels. It is such a beautiful idea, and brings together all people grieving for their beloved children and other loved ones. I will also be thinking of your brother David, and hope you find the peace you are looking for soon.
Faye, I was so saddened to learn of the accident. I'm so sorry for your loss. We'll light a candle for Kerryn and her baby girl here as well. I remember how raw our grief was at the beginning, sometimes it hurt to breathe. I'm thinking of you. x
Hi Amanda, Thank you for writing this. As you know I lost my beautiful Hamish two months ago and I'm riding the rollercoaster of intense pain and grief. Your story rings very true to me. I will light a candle for my sweet boy and for the other mothers around the world who are experiencing this unfathomable heartache. Much love, Rachel x
We'll light one for Hamish here too Rachel. Thinking of you. x
That is a beautiful idea. I had not heard of it until now, but I will be blogging about it today to spread it wider. I have not lost a child. The thought chills me to the bone. I am so sorry for your loss, and inspired by your bravery. This is a beautiful post ...
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
Thanks for spreading the word Leanne.
Thanks for sharing wonderful idea mam,as I seen in upper comments everyone is liking your idea.
i am also sorry for your loss!! many thanks 🙂
Perfectly and beautifully written, like reading my mind.. We exist and trying to live on.. Thinking of our Angel girl everyday