Grief is a process. You can't hurry it up.
Initially, I tried reading my way through it. Devouring books about grief and waiting for a eureka moment, when I could make my peace with what had happened. I read dozens of books but the moment didn't come.
I just kept getting up in the morning and making breakfast.
I kept driving the Big Sister to day care and swimming lessons.
I kept tending to the Little Sister’s newborn needs.
I kept doing the washing and cooking the dinner.
We just kept on keeping on.
And somehow we’ve arrived here. We’ve survived three years and three months without David already.
I'm still waiting to make my peace with it and hoping one day I will accept that he died. It still seems impossible to believe. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism - the finality of David’s death is crushing.
My beautiful high-school friend Robyna and her family were bereaved in 2012 when their son and brother, Xavier was stolen by SIDS at just fourteen days old. She very eloquently expressed how I feel about getting on:
Robyna’s words resound with me because she’s eloquently expressed something that I’ve been feeling. Even though we seem to be going about our daily lives, it doesn’t mean that we’re feeling better or getting over it. We’re functioning, but it’s no measure of the depth of our love, or our loss, or our pain. Some days it’s all we can do to remember to breathe. Robyna now write a blog called Chasing His Sunshine. It's a service to bereaved families everywhere.
Tonight the Compassionate Friends will host their annual Worldwide Candle Lighting.
The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honour and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honour the memory of all children gone too soon.
As a candle burns down in one home, another candle will be lit in a home in a different time zone - creating twenty four hours of perpetual light.
If you've lost a child or know someone who has, I encourage you to join us on tonight and light a candle in their memory.
Gestures like this show bereaved families like mine how much their loved one is treasured and missed. It means the earth.