The truth is, I thought I'd be a better parent than this.
Yesterday morning I found myself roaring at the Big Sister about spelling words. She shouted back refusals and I poked my finger into her little chest and called her lazy.
Last week when she wouldn’t stop asking for something at the show, I told her to shut up. Right there, in front of crowds of people and my uncomfortable in-laws.
I feel uneasy admitting these things on the internet for more perfect parents to dissect in some dark corner of the internet that I fear to tread; but I’ve never pretended to be perfect. The mums whose kids are always on time for drop off at school will not be surprised.
In a serendipitous turn of events, when I returned home from drop off I was invited to a parenting webinar that promised to teach me how to get my girls to listen without nagging, reminding or yelling.
I’d been tuned in for all of five minutes before I started to cry. The cheery presenter kept delivering helpful content, but the knock out punch was hearing the cold hard truth and instantly realising she was right. The Big Sister is back-chatting me because I’m failing to meet her needs in other areas. FAILING. Cue big slow silent tears.
The webinar wrapped up flogging a parenting course, which I didn’t sign up for, but I did come away with a resolve to parent on purpose instead of merely reacting to whatever maelstrom is swirling around us at the time.
My name is Amanda and I’m an imperfect parent.
It’s been 24 hours since I roused on my kids.
Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.