The truth is, I thought I'd be a better parent than this.
Yesterday morning I found myself roaring at the Big Sister about spelling words. She shouted back refusals and I poked my finger into her little chest and called her lazy.
Last week when she wouldn’t stop asking for something at the show, I told her to shut up. Right there, in front of crowds of people and my uncomfortable in-laws.
I feel uneasy admitting these things on the internet for more perfect parents to dissect in some dark corner of the internet that I fear to tread; but I’ve never pretended to be perfect. The mums whose kids are always on time for drop off at school will not be surprised.
In a serendipitous turn of events, when I returned home from drop off I was invited to a parenting webinar that promised to teach me how to get my girls to listen without nagging, reminding or yelling.
I’d been tuned in for all of five minutes before I started to cry. The cheery presenter kept delivering helpful content, but the knock out punch was hearing the cold hard truth and instantly realising she was right. The Big Sister is back-chatting me because I’m failing to meet her needs in other areas. FAILING. Cue big slow silent tears.
The webinar wrapped up flogging a parenting course, which I didn’t sign up for, but I did come away with a resolve to parent on purpose instead of merely reacting to whatever maelstrom is swirling around us at the time.
My name is Amanda and I’m an imperfect parent.
It’s been 24 hours since I roused on my kids.
Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.
Miss Chardy says
Oh my love..... I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. You have no idea how much I am there with you right now. The other day I told my son to "shut up" for the first time ever, I felt sick afterwards and of course probably went of and cried in my wardrobe..... I constantly feel like a bad parent lately and that is because I am one. My kids are feral and cranky and I know that is because I am feral and cranky. Turns out that that old saying "ain't mamma happy ain't nobody happy" is totally true. So I have decided it is time to look for a cook and stop thinking I can do it all. I think a trip away this weekend is just what we need.... I really do... some child free time. I so need this!!!
Amanda Smyth says
I had an absolute ball hanging with you this weekend Dan. I felt a bit teary saying goodbye. Lucky we get to do it all again in August! 🙂
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says
Oh I want to know what they said in the first few minutes, I'm failing at this also, sure I'm not meeting all 3 of their needs, or my husband's, or mine, or my parents etc etc. You are not alone my lovely xx
Amanda Smyth says
Gee whiz I had fun hanging with you this weekend. Hope you're having a comfortable flight. x
MrsDplus3 says
Oh honey, I think you are perfect at being imperfect. I've done all of those things and felt like the worlds most useless mother at least once a week. I think I will try with you to parent on purpose. Oh and I truly don't think you're failing :)))
Amanda Smyth says
You're a darling for saying that mate! xx
Bec @ The Plumbette says
I often have similar thoughts when I go off at the girls. But then I look at them when they do amazing things and I think I'm doing ok. I don't think you're failing. I think you are being a mum. A mum concerned about meeting the needs of her kids. I also think that sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves. We do the best we can with the time we are given. We juggle so many balls in the day and age. Looking forward to seeing you this week to give you a hug! xx
Amanda Smyth says
Loved hanging with you this weekend Bec. You're a superstar! xx
Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad says
Ah, it's such a frickin' hard thing. I've been roaring a lot lately. Saying shitty things that I wouldn't say to strangers not to mention my own little humans! And mostly I know it has nothing to do with them, it's me. I'm over stuff but really, it's just setting me up for a hard run down the track. In the past I've seen when I'm ratty, the Vicklets mirror that and I get back what I put in. I usually have a wake up call and curb it a bit before I start re-offending again. So I'm with you. Not perfect but wanting to do better. I hope you can find a more satisfying, nurturing place to parent from. Keep blogging about this journey, hey?
Amanda Smyth says
I read somewhere that its when kids are the hardest to love that they need the most love. It's probably true huh?
I had a pretty good week only raised my voice a few times and didn't roar again. Fingers crossed I can keep it up! xx