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    Home » farm life

    By Amanda Smyth 20 Comments

    this is my brother David

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    This is my brother David.  Today is his thirty-third birthday.  Except he's not.

    David in the cockpit

    David will be 29 forever.  Sometimes I imagine what he’d doing now, if God had taken me up on any of the deals I frantically tried to make with him while we waited for the search team to reach the crash site.

    I wonder about where would he be working. What he’d look like now.

    If he was here I imagine he’d be giving me stick about my missing front tooth.

    He’d have delivered a kick-arse speech at Ant’s wedding last year, in spite of how much he hated public speaking.

    His love of the Big Sister would have seen him loudly declare that she was robbed, when the class awards were announced at the end of year concert.

    He’d be patient in his negotiations with the Little Sister about shoes or cleaning her teeth or what colour the sky really is.

    He’d be laughing and bouncing on the trampoline with my girls even though he had things to do.  His laugh would be the same ridiculous high-pitch that doesn't really fit a man.

    He’d be phoning late from the back of cab to sing “Lover, Lover” by Sonia Dada at full pelt.

    He’d be talking about the footage of the TransAsia flight with Dad and chastising Mum for riding her bike too fast.

    He would hate that I’m crying while I write this.  He’d say, come on babe.  It’ll be right.

    Except it's not.

    Happy Birthday beautiful boy.  I miss you.  I love you and more than anything I hope you are happy where ever you are.  I promise to dry these tears, be productive today and raise a glass on the hill to you with Bearhands tonight.

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    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. Robyna says

      February 05, 2015 at 10:38 am

      Oh Amanda. I am crying too. There are no words - just sending a huge hug. Happy Birthday David.

      Reply
    2. Rachael Page says

      February 05, 2015 at 10:42 am

      Enjoy that glass on the hill tonight to toast your brother David, Amanda. He will always be with you. My brother Matt passed away 10 years ago at the age of 36 and not a day goes by where I don't think of him and miss him. Be kind to yourself today x

      Reply
    3. Rachel says

      February 05, 2015 at 10:48 am

      Gahhh now I'm crying! Thinking of you today - when you go up to the hill tonight you'll be carrying him in your heart xx

      Reply
    4. Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says

      February 05, 2015 at 10:49 am

      I am crying too. Happy birthday David and know that your sissy loves you with every once of her soul. Hugs to you my friend xxx

      Reply
    5. Vicki Style On V says

      February 05, 2015 at 11:37 am

      sending love and hugs your way as you remember your brother. V x

      Reply
    6. Mischievious Mum says

      February 05, 2015 at 12:21 pm

      Oh Amanda. What a terrible loss. I pray for peace and comfort for you and your family. Much love and best wishes. XOXO

      Reply
    7. Bec @ The Plumbette says

      February 05, 2015 at 1:10 pm

      Sending love your way and happiest thoughts and memories of your brother. Xxx

      Reply
    8. MrsDplus3 says

      February 05, 2015 at 1:11 pm

      Just beautiful. Sending you a big fat hug xxxx

      Reply
    9. Nourish Nation says

      February 05, 2015 at 1:26 pm

      So sorry for your loss. Brothers are special, and always with us. Let some tears flow, x Deb

      Reply
    10. Grace says

      February 05, 2015 at 1:31 pm

      Sending you all my love, Amanda. xxx

      Reply
    11. claireyhewitt01c says

      February 05, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      This sucks. These days suck. People not here when they should, that really is a shit sandwich that no one wants served up. My words won't help you get through today. You know you are the lucky lady that got to have David as your brother, you know how special that is. No one else got to be his sister.

      But it's ok to cry sometimes for the holes in your heart that the world makes. It's ok to want things to be different even though you know they can't be.

      Be sure to eat the best cake you can today. Cheers to your brother, who sounds like the best of sorts.

      Reply
    12. Mandy Barbie Bieber Beyond says

      February 05, 2015 at 8:42 pm

      Awww lots of love and hugs...It's still his birthday and a special day to remember a special personxx

      Reply
    13. Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says

      February 05, 2015 at 8:45 pm

      I'm crying too! I'm sending you a big hug. I wish I had words to make it right but I haven't. Happy Birthday, David. xx

      Reply
    14. Druimé@snippetsandspirits.com says

      February 05, 2015 at 9:22 pm

      So sorry you lost your brother way too soon. My heart is aching just reading your words. Love to you.

      Reply
    15. Bigwords says

      February 05, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      So much love to you honey x

      Reply
    16. Sheridan Anne says

      February 06, 2015 at 2:56 pm

      Your brother sounds like one amazing guy and even though his time was cut way too short, it sounds like you all were lucky to have one another while you did.
      Sending lots of love and big hugs your way xox

      Reply
    17. Karin @ Calm to Conniption says

      February 08, 2015 at 10:04 pm

      Amanda, a very tough day for you this week. My heart bleeds for you and my eyes are filled with tears. Happy Birthday to David and hope you had a beautiful evening with Bearhands remembering him. x

      Reply
    18. Lisa says

      February 09, 2015 at 8:43 am

      such a beautiful [post. He sounds like a great guy!

      Reply
    19. Janice says

      February 09, 2015 at 9:21 am

      David sounds like he was a fun and very caring man. Big hugs, kind thoughts and prayers for you.

      Reply

    Trackbacks

    1. our anniversary trip to the Berkeley River Lodge - Cooker and a Looker says:
      at

      […] flight took an hour and forty minutes. It was the first time I’d flown in a Caravan – David’s aircraft – and I had mixed emotions during the flight. Luckily we were sitting in the back row of […]

      Reply

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