Today marks six years since I started my career as a mother. The Big Sister and I have come a long way since I carried her gingerly out of the hospital and, blinking, we stepped into the bright light of the big world.
Last month, saw us pack up the nursery and return it to an office. In the draws on the lowboy where I’ve kept our babies’ clothes, I found so many reminders of the past six years. There were favourite shirts, wonder suits embroidered with love, disposable bibs – bought with good intentions but always forgotten.
Three discoveries stuck out the most. Each somehow representative of how I’ve changed since the freezing, rainy night when the Obstetrician finally decided the Big Sister would need some help to join us.
Five ridiculously tiny mismatched socks. I found newborn socks to be an exercise in futility. Both our girls seemed to consider removing them a challenge. Over time they became very talented at the kick and drop. I spent too much of my life back-tracking through shopping centres in an attempt to locate abandoned, ridiculously tiny socks. Eventually I learned to let it go. There would be more socks and if there weren’t the girls would wear odd socks like their parents. 
Three dummies. Before we were parents, Bearhands and I pontificated about what kind of parents we would be. We would eat dinner as a family at the table every night. We would by no means tolerate tantrums in the supermarket. Our kids would certainly never have dummies. Ha. What a joke. What noobs we were. We changed our minds about dummies, dinner and just about everything else pretty quickly. The Little Sister is never far away from doing her nana. I’ve come to terms with supermarket tantrums, beach tantrums, kitchen tantrums, park tantrums, car tantrums. I’m yet to make my peace with the public toilet tantrum though, under no circumstances will I let her throw herself on that floor.
One amber teething necklace. I’m a woman of science. I grew up thinking if it couldn’t be proven, it must be poppycock. Alternative medicines were for hippies, I wanted facts and data sets that could be replicated. As a mother, I’ve found myself willing to do just about anything for my kids. If there was even a slim chance that beads made from fossilised tree sap found at the bottom of the Baltic sea would offer my daughters relief, then they had them, faster that you can say eBay.
Bearhands laughed and asked if we’d moved to Nimbin the day he came home to find the Little Sister wearing her necklace.
Through my search for the best options for the girls, I’ve found myself more open-minded. During their latest bout of ill health when modern medicine was out of options, our GP treated their little bodies with laser acupuncture.
I’m couldn’t part with those three treasures. They’re in the top draw of my bed side table, nestled somewhere between my rosary beads and the condoms they give you in hospital in an attempt to avoid a rapid reenactment.
One necklace, three dummies, five socks = six glorious years. Reflecting on that equation, I realised that parenting is simply maths.
The odds of having two girls was 25%.
The odds of having two girls who weighed 4.2kg? Less than 0.1%.
These past six years, I’ve been mothering by numbers.
With all this talk of numbers, I have one more probability for you. What do you think the chances of making it all the way to your sixth year of your parenting career without encountering a stool submarine in the bath? Zero point poo poo percent! We fell just weeks short of the mark there. Guess I should count myself lucky that it took so long!
This post is awesome! ” Zero point poo poo percent” – pure gold!! And so very true – faced that one about 18 months in. 🙂
Wishing Big Sister a very Happy 6th Birthday! xx
Thanks Jodie. Bit of a step away from the normal sausage post (and my first infographic!). Pleased you liked it. I’ll pass on your birthday message xx
Love this post Amanda. Happy birthday to the Big Sister. Six is so much fun! xx
Thanks Aleney. She’s enjoying it so far!
As someone who is only 9 and a half months in I loved this post. And I already have a collection of odd socks.
Thanks Robyn. Embrace the odd socks – in my experience they continue! 🙂
Ahh those necklaces, I too am a woman of science but was willing to try those amber beads, they were cute as well! Great post, scary numbers. Happy birthday to Big Sister and happy ‘birth’ day to you! x
Thanks Em. x
Great post! I agree baby socks are just ridiculous, in fact I still struggle to keep socks on our 14 month old. We haven’t experience poo in the bath yet and we’re almost 2 1/2 years in – I know I’ve just jinxed ourselves by saying that! How amazing your girls weighed exactly the same. There was just 305g difference between the birth weights of my boys and they were both the same length – 44cm. I think they would have been pretty close if born at the same time (30+6) – thankfully baby boy hung in there until 32 +1!
A big Happy Birthday to your special girl and happy birth day to you x
32 + 1? Yikes! That would have been worrying times Lauren. xx
Happy Birthday to your big girl! You are so funny Amanda. Love the infographic (I’ve learnt a new word too). I can safely tick every box including the submarine. I think you forgot number of cold cups of tea/coffee had since mothering…too many to count.
Is this a new direction? Nice post and nice banner….(and I’m now back into getting not enough sleep because I’m going out – YAY!) (well, occasionally)
Not a new direction, just playing around. Hoping that the site is now a bit more mobile friendly.
Hooray for going out! I’m in the it-took-so-much-organizing-to-get-out-I-need-a-nap stage! 🙂
I wanted to stand up and applaud when I read this!! So beautifully written and your infographic KICKS ASS! I will be sharing xx
Thanks mate. X
This is one of your best lovely. Really enjoyed it :)))) p.s. I’m still convinced those beads are a load of poppycock
Thanks mate. Bit different than my standard fare, but I had fun putting it together. 🙂
Amanda, how clever are you making that infographic!!
Isn’t it funny how we change after the baby is here? We also had a lot of rules that went straight out the window 🙂
Happy birthday to the Big Sister xx
So many rules out the window Lisa! x
I agree with Lisa! How clever are you? A lovely post tripping down memory lane. My four boys had dummies and gave them up at 6 months but my daughter sucked her thumb until she was very old and had to have braces because she’d distorted her teeth. They hadn’t invented teething necklaces when mine were babies but what ever works for each individual is the only way to go really. I kept all sorts of things and brought them out at their 21st birthday parties. I even had the pregnancy tests with the stripe and their hospital wrist bracelets. I love your blog Amanda 🙂
Those necklaces were still on the bottom of the Baltic Sea, Pinky! I like your 21st gift idea, I’ll put those little socks in little boxes when I get home. Thanks!
Loved reading this post. I’m in the baby stage again and loving it. My girls all have big feet so I have baby socks that they’ve never worn because they were too small for their feet!
I love your infographic… 4 times to reheat your coffee before you pour it down the sink, priceless, I can relate… I think I could add one for me… 2 times a week you find your coffee still in the microwave… Happy birthday to your big girl. Fab post, love the sock story, I did that too x
Such a wonderful post! I loved it because I was nodding along with every point. I truly believe those amber necklaces do something. I have no idea what but our little lord #2 definitely had a better temperament when he wore it. And yes – I reheated my tea twice this morning 🙂
Oh, what a fantastic graphic. Yes, I can hold 4 simultaneous conversations – although I might get a bit shouty towards the end. And we are currently grappling with taking the dummy away from our 3rd child, who’s suddenly 3 and we kind of forgot to ditch the dummy any earlier. I had so many opinions about parenting before I became one! Great post 🙂
Great post, and loved your graphic!! Could definitely relate x
Oh my goodness, I’m at half your time and still have not encountered a code brown. I am hoping that it never happens, but I fear my days are numbered on that count! Great post Amanda!
Fab post!! Yes we were a fan of the dummy too!! And I definitely feel like I repeat myself at least 4000 times a week!! Love it!
Hehe these are very cute!! I’m not a parent yet but I have two gorgeous nephews who I would like to kidnap and keep as my own lol! xx
Love it. Our magic number has been 2, of course. But when it comes to tantrums in the supermarket, that’s pretty much immeasurable!
LOL good one Amanda!!! And well done on the infographic!