five lessons from eight years of marriage

I'm loathe to write about my marriage for fear of invoking the law of Murphy on our happy union, but today is our wedding anniversary and I've been reflecting on what I've learned from being married to Bearhands.

Here are five lessons I'd travel back and tell myself on this day eight years ago.

1. Don't compare him to your Dad.

You simply cannot compare your new husband to your father. Your Dad was once a clueless newly-wed too. The helpful handy man you know is the product of thirty years of 'training'. Your husband will one day remember to feed the dog all by himself. Until then, keep asking him.

2. Don't clean the house for your in-laws.

This is a tip my best friend Kelsey gave me when she saw me madly tearing around trying to make our house look like the cover of Home Beautiful before my in-laws came to stay. She simply pointed out that Bearhands' folks knew Bearhands and were under no illusions about how tidy he was. Then she asked if I wanted to clean like this every time they visited for the rest of my life. I put down the duster toot sweet.

It's a winning strategy for everyone - they're welcome any time and I'm not tired and cranky by the time they arrive.

3. Go to bed angry.

I call bullshit on the old "Don't go to bed angry" chestnut. By the end of the day I'm tired, sometimes cranky and, dare I say it, sometimes unreasonable. If Bearhands and I are having a barney, the very best thing I can do is go to bed angry. In the light of the next day I often realise that I was overreacting or if I'm still cross, I know that he stuffed up royally this time.

4. Complain to your Mother-in-law.

This is a piece of advice I read in the Huffington Post years ago. It seems counterintuitive to complain to your Mother-in-law about her son, but hear me out. If you really must complain about your husband (and lets face it, it's likely at some point you will), your mother-in-law will forgive her son, but your mother probably won't.

5. Say thank you.

No frustrated newly-wed Amanda, you probably shouldn't have to thank your husband for taking the bin out or feeding the dog, but its a small price to pay if you want him to keep doing it.

Bearhands has some turf to be delivered to Noosa today, so I'm going to ride in the truck with him and hopefully we'll find somewhere to have an anniversary lunch.  We have notoriously bad luck at celebrating our anniversary, so a low key lunch seems safer than making grand plans. Once you admit publicly that your wedding day wasn't one of the most important days of my life, you can't get your knickers in a knot about how you celebrate!

over to you friends, what lessons did I miss?