I did not find the transition to motherhood easy. It may sound conceited but before motherhood, if I tried/practiced/studied really hard at something, I could get the hang of it. Being so crap at parenting came as an enormous shock. It didn’t matter how many books I read or techniques I learned, I could not for the life of me get the Big Sister to sleep.
I felt like a failure.
Failure turned to unhappiness.
Unhappiness turned to shame. How could I not be enjoying our much loved and long awaited daughter?
Hindsight is twenty twenty. Especially hindsight that comes with the luxury of being adequately rested and the calm that comes when your offspring become old enough to communicate their needs with actual words. If I could go back, I’d empty and restock the dishwasher, then sit down and set the record straight. 
Don’t bother borrowing those baby books from the library. By the sixth week, they’ll contradict each other and you’ll return them both. Borrow a novel and spend your last baby-free days with your feet up. Rest up, you’re about to embark on the marathon of a lifetime.
Feeding your baby to sleep at night is OK. It’s NIGHT time, they’re supposed to be asleep. Waking them only to rock them back to sleep for fear of forming bad sleep habits is an exercise in futility. Dumb arse.
The hairdryer is your friend. Your standard of appearance will drop so much that it will take you months and months to plug the hair dryer in. When you do, above the sound of the hot air being shot at your head, you will experience the blissful quiet of your baby not crying. Don’t wait til your hair needs doing. Plug it in when you need a break.
Don’t bother spending hours cooking gourmet introductions to solids. The time you spend creating meals is inversely proportionate to the likelihood that your children will eat it. True story.
No one remembers the time the baby somehow dug her heels into the donna and shot herself off the bed or the time you accidentally cut her finger with nail clippers. She will find new and more exciting ways to injure herself as time goes on. This is not a reflection on your parenting. This is life.
How many grams your breastfed baby gains per week is not an exam. Nor is it a contest, you competitive freak.
Baby massage is bullshit. After you’ve bathed the baby, concentrate on important things like getting their arms into the wonder suit without catching any of their fingers in the seams. It’s harder than it seems.
Mothers Group is not for you. While we’re at it, take that sexy mother book they recommended and put it in the fire. It is also not for you.
It is not normal to day dream about getting a general anaesthetic for a few peaceful hours of escape. You have post natal depression. Don’t be ashamed. Go to the doctor. Get help. You don’t realise how far away from happy you’ve come. You’ve drifted so far, you’ll be astounded at how good it feels when you get back there.
Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. If the planets have aligned and your baby is asleep while not attached to you/driving in the car, do something you want to do. The washing will be there tomorrow and in six years time.
It gets easier. Your next baby is a really good sleeper. Hang in there kid!
If you could travel back, what would you tell your-new-mum-self?
Amanda Kendle says
Love it! I would tell my new mother self all of this (except the mothers group bit because they're my best buddies now) and more ... it's just that I can think of the more now because my FIVE year old was awake three times during the night which is another thing nobody tells you ...
Amanda Smyth says
I had a week of the same while we were on Fraser Island Amanda - I understand totally! That said, I seem to function with much less sleep than I did when before I had kids.
thingsforboys says
so is mine!! (5yo that is...I'm going insane!)
BOYEATSWORLD says
I was so happy to have had an actual baby that I didn't care if it slept and fed them both all night long. I still getup at least once a night to at least one of them seven years in.Sleep is something I've learned to live without, unlike my babies. Mothers group though was great, it turned out to be an excellent source of drinking buddies and I confess to rather loving baby massage but otherwise I turfed the books, and all the well-meaning but contradictory advice from about day three and simply parented by gut instinct - and we all survived! 🙂
Tegan says
Yes to all but the mothers group. I am really lucky to have a pretty good group of friends I met at Mums group. I would also add, stop feeling guilty because every tells you that you should stay at home for the first few weeks. Those trips to the shops just to wander are sanity savers!
Amanda Smyth says
I completely agree about getting out of the house, Tegan. I stayed at home to save my baby from "germs", we would have both been better off hitting the shops! 🙂
Lisa says
haha yes, just YES to so much of this post!!! 🙂
Amanda Smyth says
Hope your second is a sleeper like mine was Lisa!
Have A Laugh On Me says
What a very honest list of things. I can relate to the mother's group one so much, just made me feel worse about myself. And after No.3 I too had lost my way but didn't want to admit it. I would tell myself that comparing sleeping/eating will just make you lose your will to live! Big hugs and here's to surviving, just x
Amanda Smyth says
It's nice to be on the other side, right?
Michaela Fox says
BRILLIANT!! Gosh I love this. The "how many grams my baby has put on" conversation bored me to tears. Along with a lot of other conversation topics at mothers' group!!
Emily says
Great post. I had (have) a great mums group, but everything else is great. Do whatever it takes to get your bub to sleep. Whatever. It. Takes. x
Amanda Smyth says
I know heaps of mothers who made life-long friends at mothers group - including the ladies at the one I went to Emily. But it wasn't right for me. I needed to talk about anything other than babies! 🙂
Emily says
I also call bullshit on the whole 'if you're breastfeeding correctly, it shouldn't hurt' thing. Faaaaaark it hurt!!
Danielle says
my friend use the hairdryer as white noise to put her kid to sleep.
Turned it on and left the room. Even better than ace hair.
Amanda Smyth says
It should be the first lesson at ante-natal classes Danielle!
Michelle says
Love it! So very true about all of it. I think this should be the first page of every baby book!!
Edwina Tsingos says
Fantastic!!!
MrsDplus3 says
Hahaha, this is brilliant!! I remember taking Josh to music class before he could even sit - I mean what the f***!! Poor Lexi has done just about nothing and she's almost 3.
I'm missed your blog - I haven't read any for over a month and it's nice to be back xx
Amanda Smyth says
I've missed you too Robyn, glad to have you back!
Cat from thatbettiething says
Oh I tried to cut my first's finger off with the nail clippers. I still try to get out of cutting anyone's fingernails. Ugh.