I’m starting my second course of treatment this morning.
I spent much of last week begrudgingly preparing for spending this time away from the farm shopping and writing lists for my wonderful in-laws who have arrived like the cavalry again to help Bearhands with the girls while I’m in Brisbane.
Then yesterday I waved goodbye to my three favourite humans and came to stay at Mum and Dads.
My last dose of treatment was not exactly text book. I had a weird reaction to one of the drugs I was given. It slowed my heart rate. Slightly to start with - enough for me to cheerily pronounce I had the resting heart rate of an olympic athlete*. Then quickly - which wasn’t funny at all.
The fall out was horrible. I’ve had two 9lb 5oz posterior baby girls (one without an epidural!) and the pain was by far the worst I’ve ever experienced. So I’ve been feeling less than enthusiastic about returning for round 2.
This morning, I’m giving myself a pep talk and reminding myself how grateful I am to have access to this new MS treatment. I’m remembering that profound blackboard that told me to expect a miracle.
Even if today is a bad day, I’ve endured days far worse than this.
Like the day the Little Sister’s umbilical chord was stinky and I freaked out
The day I pranged Terri Irwin’s car in the zoo carpark
The day my Mum phoned to tell me she had breast cancer
The day my whole family left for Indonesia to repatriate David’s body
The day I resigned from the Police Service
The Valentines Day I was certain Bearhands was going to propose but he didn’t
The birthday I was certain Bearhands was going to propose but he didn’t
The day of the year twelve titration comp where my experiment was right but my calculations were wrong and a pesky factor of ten cost me the win
The first day I delivered turf with Bearhands and got the trailer stuck in the carpark of a nursery
The day of Steve’s memorial where I sat in the crocoseum and watched my mates shelve their own grief for a few hours to give Stevo the send off he deserved
That Friday night post-work drinks where a colleague asked me to dance, dipped me, then dropped me and I spent the rest of the night in the ER
All the days when the kids had whooping cough
David’s 30 - 35th birthdays
The day I found out I have MS
The day Bearhands came inside from an early morning phone call and told me that our dear friend Anthony had died overnight
The day of Nanny’s funeral when they played The Lord is My Shepherd before I was supposed to speak and I struggled to compose myself enough to deliver my portion of the eulogy
The night the Big Sister started vomiting blood and we rushed her to hospital
The days of last week when my best friend’s happily-ever-after was lying in ICU
The thing about all of these days is I made it out the other side. So far my track record for getting through bad days is 100% and that’s pretty good.
Keep your fingers crossed for me this week as I (hopefully) bid a final farewell to MS.
*It’s not natural for me to have ANYTHING in common with Olympic athletes!
Nicole @ The Builder's Wife says
What a wonderful way to look at this. I wish you much luck for an easier round of treatment this time. My thoughts are with you, sending love and bug squishy hugs xx
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Nic.
Hope you're well,
A x
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
We humans are made of strong stuff, and it's amazing how much adversity we can triumph over (or at least, get through.) I have complete confidence in you and know that you will need to update this list in the very near future because you're going to get through this treatment like a boss. Hope it passes quickly and uneventfully and that you're back on the farm with your beloveds soon.
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Sammie. It went without a hitch in the end - I started to panic when the bradycardia returned, but it turns out panic is the friend of the low heart rate! 😉
Liz Hollier says
Thinking and praying for an uneventful and successful week x
PS I think I remember doing that titration competition!
Amanda Smyth says
A lot of water under the bridge since then Liz!
Hope you're well,
A x
Deborah says
You've got a stellar (ie. very impressive) record for surviving everything life throws at you. So, you've got this.
I'm sure there are things we wish we could say to make ANY of it better, but hopefully knowing people care about you (have you in their thoughts / prayers) helps in some way.
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Deb. I was feeling the love in these comments. x
Dani @ sand has no home says
Fingers crossed for you. These are hard days, but you are surrounded by the softness of love, obviously. I have just been reading a bit about MS. I am reading a book called Foal's Bread, by Australian writer Gillian Mears who died last year and had had MS for 20 years. To have written such a book (it won the Prime Minister's Prize the year it was published) is an incredibly humbling thing to know. Thinking of you x
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks for the tip Dani - I'll seek it out.
A x
Rachel says
Sending you best wishes for strength. Hope you are recovering quickly!
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Rachel. I understand you've had a very difficult week of your own. You're in my thoughts.
A x
Em @ Have A Laugh On Me says
You're in my heart and mind this week, well always really, but this week in particular xx
Katherine says
praying for you
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Katherine. x
Park and Drew family says
Up here on the Range you are very much in our prayers dear Amanda. The same One who gave you strength and ability for all those other amazing battles will surely be there with you in this one too. He is faithful all the time. Love family, xxx
Amanda Smyth says
Thank you Parks and Drews. x
Seana Smith says
Big hugs to you.
You are enclosed in a cocoon of love, lined with your own wisdom and life experience. Life is tough, it's uncertain and there are many bad days, but love is certain and you have that all around you.
Seana Smith says
PS You also have a sense of humour, some days require black humour but it's still humour.
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Seana. If you can't laugh you'd cry right?
Hope you're well.
A x
Brenda says
I don't know you but I enjoy reading about life. I wish you all the very best for your continued treatment. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way. Kick MS in the butt.
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Brenda. 🙂
Kyrstie says
Sending you lots of virtual hugs and positive energy for a treatment this time that is not one of the worst so you are back home again with your family very soon. x
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Kyrstie. It wasn't nearly as bad as last year. Home now! 🙂
jen says
Look at all the you have overcome. What a wonderful perspective. Hoping this treatment brings you relief and peace.
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Jen.:)
Julie Johnston says
Give MS the big kiss goodbye from me! Wishing you all the very best!
Amanda Smyth says
Thanks Julie. Will do!